(Robbie Williams - Road to Mandalay)
I can run, I can hide, I can deny the things that happen and I can confront the mirror as it is essentially not myself. But to be quite frank, I gave that up years ago. There is no need to run or hide from yourself. And only the mirror images will immitate you. But in the end you only carry yourself alongside you to the end of time. And that is what is the thing in the end. I will confront myself again, and yes I will share this with all of you. Why the fuck bother you might ask? Well, it is simple. I consider myself to be quite a happy person. I see life as a simple playground. I worry very little, never have nightmares and do not care what other people think about who I am. Also, it has been apparent that it is no limitation for a good carrier. Hence I would like all of you to experience at least the same of what I feel and see in this world. But I don't know how you guys can get there, I can only share what I know. And that is why I do this.
What do you do when your hopes are shattered. Give up? I don't know how to really do that. And that is one of the biggest problems I have. Incidentally it has also been one of the greatest virtues. Give up? My ass, I'll show you. However sometimes things, are just the way they are. No matter how hard you would like to work on them. And with other people, other material matters this is easy to accept. But with yourself this is so hard. I changed around everything I am in such a short time of my life, I became someone I could have only dreamt of when I was younger. And it all seemed so easy. I got spoiled in believing I can change who I am. And yes a few months ago I had to accept that it wasn't that easy. And now I am wondering whether I can ever be what I initially wanted to be.
Probably not, by now, I have learned the hard way that idealists, especially on love and dating, are all wrong. You can try to be better, you can try to take it slow, and you can try to be the better man. But in the end, this simply doesn't work. And in the past I used to say, at least not for me. But here comes the kicker, I don't say that any more. Now I say, if you want to live truthful. And in my previous blog post 'Models for a perfect world', even though it is heavily critized by my friends and acquaintances, there is an incredibly strong and truthful piece of information that most people do not want to acknowledge. Why? Because it fucking hurts and it is shameful, and I wish it weren't so, but I'd be thick to deny it after all I have seen and done.
We don't care about finding true love. We don't care about love at all. Sure love is great, but it is also a choice. All we really want is that simple feeling of limerence. We don't care love lasts forever, we don't care that we don't actually love the person, but just love the feeling of limerence. All we care about is that knocked up shot through feeling of 'falling in love' (limerence). Then if we are lucky we just might, if the other is lucky, choose to love someone for who they are. If by then you haven't discovered something that your idealism is too vain for to accept. And perhaps if we are lucky the other one will do the same. Then, yes you will have found Disney love, and you will grow old happy together. But not because of limerence. You will have found love because you have accepted a person for who they are, and chose to love them for it. And the other person did the same.
But what do we do? We run away once limerence is gone, don't even accept or love ourselves. We pretend to be someone we are not because of it, and let people choose for the best part of us, that doesn't even exist. We don't even give loving a chance. And have quite frankly become so convinced that limerence is what we need, that we have pursued it all our lives. And in the end, we don't even learn from our mistakes because we weren't even ourselves to begin with. We blame others for what happened, and hell even our friends support us by saying the other person was a bitch or just an ass hole.
What do you do when your hopes are shattered. Give up? I don't know how to really do that. And that is one of the biggest problems I have. Incidentally it has also been one of the greatest virtues. Give up? My ass, I'll show you. However sometimes things, are just the way they are. No matter how hard you would like to work on them. And with other people, other material matters this is easy to accept. But with yourself this is so hard. I changed around everything I am in such a short time of my life, I became someone I could have only dreamt of when I was younger. And it all seemed so easy. I got spoiled in believing I can change who I am. And yes a few months ago I had to accept that it wasn't that easy. And now I am wondering whether I can ever be what I initially wanted to be.
Probably not, by now, I have learned the hard way that idealists, especially on love and dating, are all wrong. You can try to be better, you can try to take it slow, and you can try to be the better man. But in the end, this simply doesn't work. And in the past I used to say, at least not for me. But here comes the kicker, I don't say that any more. Now I say, if you want to live truthful. And in my previous blog post 'Models for a perfect world', even though it is heavily critized by my friends and acquaintances, there is an incredibly strong and truthful piece of information that most people do not want to acknowledge. Why? Because it fucking hurts and it is shameful, and I wish it weren't so, but I'd be thick to deny it after all I have seen and done.
We don't care about finding true love. We don't care about love at all. Sure love is great, but it is also a choice. All we really want is that simple feeling of limerence. We don't care love lasts forever, we don't care that we don't actually love the person, but just love the feeling of limerence. All we care about is that knocked up shot through feeling of 'falling in love' (limerence). Then if we are lucky we just might, if the other is lucky, choose to love someone for who they are. If by then you haven't discovered something that your idealism is too vain for to accept. And perhaps if we are lucky the other one will do the same. Then, yes you will have found Disney love, and you will grow old happy together. But not because of limerence. You will have found love because you have accepted a person for who they are, and chose to love them for it. And the other person did the same.
But what do we do? We run away once limerence is gone, don't even accept or love ourselves. We pretend to be someone we are not because of it, and let people choose for the best part of us, that doesn't even exist. We don't even give loving a chance. And have quite frankly become so convinced that limerence is what we need, that we have pursued it all our lives. And in the end, we don't even learn from our mistakes because we weren't even ourselves to begin with. We blame others for what happened, and hell even our friends support us by saying the other person was a bitch or just an ass hole.
People of the world, wake up! I wished that would work. But it doesn't. quite recently I am wondering if it is futile to even try to love someone for who they are, before falling in love. Yes, I am an idealist. And will not start a relationship with anyone before I know 4 things: 1; Who I am (check) . 2;Who they are. 3; If they can accept me for who I am. 4; If I can love them for who they are.
1 is essential, and not number one for nothing. I did that. 2 is one of the most interesting and beautiful things to do, if you are willing to spend the time on it, because that is what it will cost. 3 is tricky, cos it isn't my choice how much time they are willing to spend on me. And I can only imagine I must be a terrible handful. This leaves 4, and that is impossible if you haven't done 1 or 2. But it is strangely simple once you did 1 and 2, it is just a feeling you get, and it isn't limerence.
1 is essential, and not number one for nothing. I did that. 2 is one of the most interesting and beautiful things to do, if you are willing to spend the time on it, because that is what it will cost. 3 is tricky, cos it isn't my choice how much time they are willing to spend on me. And I can only imagine I must be a terrible handful. This leaves 4, and that is impossible if you haven't done 1 or 2. But it is strangely simple once you did 1 and 2, it is just a feeling you get, and it isn't limerence.
So have I convinced you? I fear not. I fear I did a horrible job even, and that you might hate me even more. But at least think about it. I'd feel terrible if everyone just kept on blindly dancing around. Love is too beautiful to be wasted on the limerence crowd. And I refuse to believe that nowhere in this world, people will do these 4 things too. And are willing to try and be themselves, accept themselves, live the life they want for they finally know what they want. And I do hope so much that then they just do the things they want instead of just ponder them over or be afraid of them.
And if you want you can critize this, you can shout about it, you can even call me names. I don't care I really don't. In the end, you have nothing on me (except spelling or the song perhaps). But if that is what you have to bitch about instead of the contents, I must feel very sorry for you.
And if you want you can critize this, you can shout about it, you can even call me names. I don't care I really don't. In the end, you have nothing on me (except spelling or the song perhaps). But if that is what you have to bitch about instead of the contents, I must feel very sorry for you.
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