Women think with their dicks too

(Michael Sembello - Maniac)

After a challenge by my blogging friend (http://altijdeigenwijs.blogspot.nl/) I am writing a similar blog from my male perspective. Since I sit at home hoping I do not have appendicitis I have ample time to do so. So without further ado, the English male version of 'Mannen hebben ook tieten':

Women think with their dicks too

We men are hailed to be more superficial then a placid lake. Whatever we do seems to have a single goal only: to find a temporary sheet to put our penises in without having to touch it ourselves. And of course if you give us ample 'Sheet-time' (to refer it nicely) we have the severe risk of falling in love. Simply because we do not overthink anything beyond that sheet-time point, and on occasion clarity strikes us, afterwards. 

The best part of men is that everyone seems to assume they are easy to comprehend. And for the up to sheet-time. This is actually very accurate assumption. But after sheet-time, when women have already lain out their plan and quite often sheet-time is considered the affirmation of said plan, men hit this wall of clarity, or rather absent mindedness. And O Irony, women are not that good at predicting that, neither do we men though.

But long before that time comes, men on occasion have this clarity pre-sheet-time. And what turns out, this is the biggest problem of them all; Men that think. And that is a point of no return since when men start to think, they discover something, women think with their dicks too, but are not as aware of it. 

And over time, we will discover the wonderous stereotypes of women. And I assure you, at least once in your life you will encounter these kind of women:

1. I am a free strong independent women and not looking for a relationship!

But secretively they do. The thing is, they often don't want to admit it to themselves. And women always think they are right, even about themselves, ignoring their feelings time and time again. This women will date you, and you'll have fun with her the first few days. And all is good, but after a while you'll notice she becomes agitated about little things. Starts crying about no things, and no matter how much you ask what is wrong, or talk about it. She won't tell. Until after a while, she either doesn't text you anymore, or goes batshit crazy. Telling her how you used her... 3 weeks later she has a relationship with another sad dude who is only too happy to be with a woman at all. Aw well, dodged a self-knowledge-less minefield there.

2. The sudden disappearance

This is actually a very common one. You had a nice date, you kissed. You had great digital conversations, perhaps even skyped a lot. And quite frankly all was good. Then you ask 'How are you?' And wait for 2 days. App 'Hey'. And suddenly you cannot see her profile picture anymore... Without any reason, and no indication you have fallen victim to her decision of cutting you of. Literally, completely severed without explanation. Good women have the decency to tell you why. But most, just don't. Reasons vary; Already has a boyfriend, dating someone else, you get too close, wants to clean up her head, you two would never work out. Really it doesn't matter, in the end she made a decisions and she viewed you as nothing more then a number in her phone. These women cannot ever hold a successful relationship until they realize they are in a relationship with people, and not a concept. So when a women does tell you the reason, please be thankful and accept it.

p.s. Half of them return out of the blue when her tactics backfire, only to do it again after that.

3. I want [X] in my life by the time I am [Y], because I am really a [Z] kind of person

Ah, the 'I know who I am, and what I want' kind of girl. Most women will know this woman too. She has it all figured out, her relationships, her career, her education, her house. This all stems from this great urge not to lose control. ('Bitches hate losin' control') But the thing is, nobody understand women, but these women understand less of themselves then of other women. Why? because women think they are right, so if you have thinker, she thinks she is right, and all the while this process went on, and on for years, maybe even decades. All the while following one thought over one thought over another etc. They have no more faith in their feeling, what they feel. (And feeling is women's greatest superpower). They wind up in things that eventually contradict what feels good, and what they think that should feel good. And you, a guy, trapped in this process. You poor sod, this isn't your fight, and you'll get stuck in it, falling in love with someone that might not even exist. In all honesty, I have never seen anyone resolve this situation successfully. since it is not their own fight. When meeting these people tread with caution, cos if they are too far along, there is little you can do. Because especially if you are intelligent, this is the easiest pitfall. (And ow women, yes men have this too, but we have a reset button called 'sheet-time')

4. The afraid to be alone type/Daddy-issues. 

Probably the one that requires least explanation. Women, hopping from one boyfriend to the other. Generally emotionally cheating at the end of the previous relationship into the next. You see, when men cheat they put their body part into someone generally. When these women cheat, they put their hearts away in another man first, before moving on. When you discover that the break-up with her ex was practically when you were already dating. Know; you are next.

End. I think.../ I don't see myself.../ It is not you, I just... (No gender specified)

Ah, yes, the final break-up line. It looks a lot like 3. but it is slightly different. You see we as humans have 2 things; feelings and thoughts. And whatever troublesome relationship you might have, is always an issue of men and women alike. What will win, Emotions or Thoughts? Women feel and think more then men, but men either think or either feel. In essence we have it easy. A man doesn't love with his head, but with his heart. And when he doesn't love he either uses his head or his penis. Women, generally love with their heads, and quite frankly often have to wonder whether it is a feeling, or a thought that makes them do things. I do not envy women. I can just reset myself and go on. Women don't seem to have this same response to an orgasm. But hey, I know many guys have the same problem. 

So whatever your relational status might be; realize that only feelings will make you happy. Not thoughts. But yes, you need these thoughts to converse your feelings. Always be open about what you feel, and be true to it. And quite frankly your relationship will be great, or it might end, but at least it will end in an honest and clear way. And remember that guys will have a lot harder time to express what they feel, since thoughts and feelings generally do not coincide with one another.

So why do women think with their dicks? Well, if you are lucky you will have noticed women don't have dicks. They exist only in their minds. And a woman who doesn't have dicks in her mind. And just lives and feels without letting her thoughts control her. These are the best, ironically they all look great. But for all the other times, when you meet a girl, remember, you are meeting a battlefield between emotions and feelings, and dicks are just one kind of ammunition used.

Cheers!

P.s. This post is intended as humorous and does not represent any individual in particular. If you are a women and think men are bad, please refer to the link in the top. No rights can be obtained from this text.