The Storm

First of all, to my family and relatives; do not, please do not send me messages or anything of the alike. I know I post this in public but that is just the way I have to do this. I don't want your compassion right now, I don't want your advice, and I don't want your best intentions. When I need it, I will be there right besides you, and I know you will be there, for which I am eternally grateful.

I don't think I have ever felt more miserable as I do today. And not until the end of this day will I know whether or not I have lost my faith in honesty completely or not. Or I will have realised that honesty means nothing, when people only want to believe what they want to believe.

I do not know yet, but I do know that I have found the love of my life, and there are no questions asked there. I would carry her to the end of the world even if it were to cost me my own life to save hers. And I never had that.

But no matter the fidelity and the honesty during our relationship, in the end it doesn't matter how much you speak the truth. How sincere you are, how much you really love someone, or how much you honestly care for them. As in the end, all that really matters is how much the other believes that.

And yes I too have sometimes trouble believing someone, but when I love them I do so either way. Because I love her. And she showed me the actions that match her words. Even though that same actions now are a storm of turmoil.

So in the end, Love means nothing. Belief in someone does. And in that sense, I have never met someone that can love. Because in the deepest of our bones, if we not choose to belief someone, and actually do just that, love means very little.

I fear the storm will rage, and break this boat in half.

I do not know if I feel sorrow, grief or some combination of the two.