My mirrors turned into LCD's (unrelated)

(Florence and the machine - Blinding)

I am who I am. Accepting that was one step. Accepting that there are parts of yourself/myself that you/I hate is another step up, an escalator going down. I know I'm on it. But there is no way to stop it. There is a button on top, but that is useless, as it will be unnecessary then. There is also a button on the bottom. But that is far, far down in a place I do not want to go.

Shit

I can manipulate a lot in my life, I can manipulate the laws of physics, the people around me. Worse more I can manipulate myself to a certain extend. But that manipulation, like probably many others, don't go unnoticed. And in the end I have the knowledge that I did just that. That I tricked myself into falling in love, that I tricked myself into accepting things, that I tricked myself into changing certain parts that needn't  be changed. 

And then?

Then nothing, I do not posses the knowledge, wisdom nor experience to tackle some parts of who I am. Sure I have lots of wonderful things to share, but not the permanence that people sometimes want. As I only share, and I am not permanent. I'm simply not unhurt by the people I like that reject me, before wanting to know me. And all I do is end up hurting the people that do like me for whatever it is that I am, seconds before they get to know me.

What the fuck Freddy?

I fear I just found a last remnant of who I used to be. Fear of repeating a mistake I made twice before... I still have that ideal. And it is fighting the me that invites the people in. I guess it is just bad luck that whenever the ideal allows someone in, they get in a fight with me, because the original people's host feels forgotten. I'm sorry everyone, the escalator trip isn't over yet.

Sorry Florence(s)